Let's Think About Someone Besides Ourselves and Do Some Listening!

A quote by the late journalist, Brenda Ueland, got us to thinking about something important:

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we really listen to people, there is an alternating current and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other. We are constantly being re-created."

How many of us know any TRUE listeners? If you're lucky enough to know someone who is more interested in you than him- or herself, then you've had that sweet experience that Ueland talks about--leaving their company feeling so good about yourself--like you, and what you have to say, matters. And that, by the way, is one of the informal definitions of a good listener--they care more about listening to YOU than they do you listening to them.

And what about when you've had the opposite experience--talking to someone who only wants to talk about themselves and/or their own family? They go on and on as though we're breathless to hear whatever it is they have to say, and never once think to ask you about YOU or YOUR kids, YOUR job, YOUR... Research says this is the more common experience, and a pretty disheartening one, at that. Researchers say folks tend to leave such encounters feeling a little sad, for all sorts of reasons.


And this ties to another quote we just read: "We have an obligation to leave the world a happier place for our having been in it." (Not sure who said this.) Isn't it amazing that something as simple as really listening to people can leave them happier--hence leaving a little spot of the world happier?


OK, so what does all this have to do with family dinner? Dinnertime is the perfect time to talk about listening, teach listening, and model listening. The research also says that this is a skill and attribute that doesn't come by osmosis. It must be taught and modeled to our children if they're to be the exception to the rule, as mentioned above.

So, during dinner we can discuss the politeness and graciousness listening shows (it's a class act). We can engage our children in thought-provoking questions such as "Who brightened your day today and what did they do for you?" or "What's something you wish had gone differently today, and why?" or "If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live, and why?" or "I've noticed you really like _______(fill in name of person). Why are you so fond of them?" or ... you get the idea. And then everyone can enjoy the chance to answer and maybe more importantly, to really listen to each other.


We think this is one of the most important pieces of the family dinner--aside from the opportunity to nourish the body, the heart and soul are nourished as we engage one another in good conversation and truly listen to what's being said. Everyone leaves the gathering knowing more about each other and feeling good about themselves. It's an easy and profound way to leave the world (in this case, home) a little happier. And after enough time and practice in the fine art of listening, who knows? We may just turn out some children who get it--that it's just smart AND nice to listen more and talk less. They'll be the ones who care more about listening to YOU than you listening to them! Now that's a real service we've done the world.


In closing, we need to thank YOU for listening. And we look forward to any comments you might have on this topic. Do you have a favorite listener in your life? How do you teach your children to listen and care about the other guy? Please share--we're all in this together. In the meantime, here's to family dinner made easy, while we actually listen to one another!

Let's Think About Someone Besides Ourselves and Do Some Listening!